anonymous letters to important people, part 2

To you
You have changed me more than you'll ever know. Both for better and for worse. You will never realise the extent to which you have impacted my life and the way I am today. Luckily you are ignorant of this, because if you'd ever had an idea of how much you've changed teh person I could have been, You wouldnt be able to handle the guilt. But luckily, you are a selfabsorbed, arrogant, generally despicable person. The worst componant of this is the fact that I can never shake you off, never cut all contact. I'd love to, but being the person you are, me taking the right I have, and have been given through your actions, me deciding to cut you out would be seen as a selfish action. Which disgusts me. Noone understands the way in which you have shaken me. Not even the people who know me best, with the exception of one. All of my social relationships, friendships, relationships with anyone, have been affected by you. I don't know if I'll be able to know anyone without wanting to cling onto them the way you did to me. You taught me that was the way that relationships work, that is the way that you tell someone you love them. I am so very scared of ever telling anyone I love them, in serious context, because of the way you used the word as a weapon against me. You used 'love 'as an excuse to treat me vilely, punish me for not returning your obsessive behaviour, or behaving like a normal girl. Maybe someday you'll realise how you have ruined the person I could have been before. I blame nearly all of my problems on you. I disgust myself by feeling happy at your current situation, because it shows everyone the side to you that I knew, rebelled against and hated. Finally noone has your facade of friendly and intruiging person to hide you behind. I hope everypne realises that who you are now is not medical, it's who you have alway always been, only hidden. I hate how you weaseled your way into my life, and the gap you left is still gaping, because you taught me having you there was the only way for me to be. I hope one day I'll be able to tell you how much I hate you, But i know for a fact that it won't be before you do your final selfish act and take that oppurtunity from me too. I hope you look around at your family and realise what you've done to them. And then I want you to take a good hard look at me and notice how I have come out the stronger person. GUESS WHAT, I have got on with my life without you, I read books without you to tell me to, I listen to music without you giving it to me, I meet friends without you being there, I know that I look good without you telling me, I get good grades without you helping me. I hate the effort that you put into making yourself an unmissable part of me, you sicken me, and I know that you've done the same to others, my only hope now is that it's too late for you to do it to anyone else, and if I ever find that you have, I will take it personally.
This is the first time that I've written any of these feeligns down, and I should let you know it's made me cry, out of relief though, not out of sadness that I don't know you anymore.